Parenting & Control Issues

Hello, my name is Samantha and I have control issues.  I suppose a sub category could also be added to say I have trust issues as well.  But my trust issues are related to my control issues. Got that?

With that being said, parenting throws my anxious little control self into a frenzy more times then not.  There's always the normal situations, is she sleeping enough, eating enough etc.  And I work through those, read panic google every single detail.  But there's also situations that arise where another is in control of my daughter's life and I have yet to learn how to deal accordingly.

I openly admit that I like to be in control.  It's in my nature.  When I'm not in control, I'm anxious and strung out. However, I also think there are situations that aren't necessarily just my personal control issues but also my yearn to parent my own child.

As a working mother, I trust my baby to other adults for her day to day needs and care.  I have to release the control to these individuals so I can go to work 5 days a week.  I don't get to parent my child while I'm at work.  I'm not the one clapping and congratulating her when she graduates past yet another milestone.  I am not the one scolding her to stop pulling another child's hair or not to throw her food.  I can't help her through her nap aversions during the week because I'm not the one putting her down for a nap.  There's so many things working mothers miss out on.

So to compensate what I miss, I'm pretty territorial over the items I can control.  I get to pack what she eats for breakfast and lunch.  I get to choose the brand of sippy cup I want her to graduate to from the bottle.  I choose the brand of diapers she wears along with the adorable outfits I've spent precious money on.  I decide when she'll have her "firsts" with meal choices.  As a mother, I relish in what I can experience with my daughter.  I want to be around for everything, but it's unrealistic for me.

It's incredibly frustrating when others take away those moments for me.  And I have trouble finding the right balance between letting the individual know how I feel and relaxing enough to let it go.  How do you determine when is the right time to say something?  When do you stop and say enough is enough or choose to just let it all go?  And if you choose to let it go, how do you do it?  I am struggling with each month that passes and Charlie gets older.  It seems more and more things are out of my control and they're simple little things I should still be able to hold onto.