My Breastfeeding Story

I'm so excited to have my breastfeeding story featured on Julie's blog today, the Girl in the Red Shoes! Her series The Breastfeeding Diaries helped me tremendously through out my pregnancy and through my ups and downs with breastfeeding.  

I knew that I wanted to try breastfeeding, but I had myself pretty much convinced that it wouldn't work out for us.  In my group of family and friends I don't know anyone that was successful at breastfeeding.  It seemed so foreign and odd to me.  

                                              

​

Fortunately for myself and my daughter, Charlie, breastfeeding did work for us.  A quick trip down memory lane; Charlie was born two weeks early.  If you want the whole birth story, it's over on my blog, but the gist of it is she was born within 10 minutes of our arrival at the hospital.  The entire hospital staff was amazing.  My labor and delivery nurse was a rock star and she's the one that helped me with breastfeeding the most.  She asked if I wanted to and if I had taken any classes.  Funny thing about it, I was scheduled to take a breastfeeding class the following night.  Ya know, since I wasn't expecting baby girl to arrive for two more weeks.  Lucky for me, L&D nurse had 4 kids herself and had breastfed all of them.  Like I said, rock star.  

Our breastfeeding journey has been mostly without complications.  Unfortunately, my daughter does have silent reflux.  She spits up way more than she should with the occasional screaming session when it's bad.  Other than that, I have been very, very lucky with how breastfeeding, pumping/working have gone for me.  But what I really wanted to touch on were some of the subjects or thoughts that I never ran across in all my blog reading, research during pregnancy and even afterwards.  

My first thought about breastfeeding is that it's a huge sacrifice.  

It's a sacrifice for both parents but mostly for mom. Dad has to sacrifice the ability to feed baby. This can change as mom starts to pump and perhaps daddy can do a bottle a day.  But mostly it's a sacrifice for the mama. Baby is fussy or has a lot of gas? Mama needs to change her diet. Whether it's a simple fix as avoiding spicy foods or a major change as dropping dairy completely. Baby needs to eat every 2 hours? That's all you mom. Baby wakes in the middle of the night? Right again, mom, you're up. Mom returns to work and has to pump to supply for her baby.  It's a sacrifice of your body in the most amazing, extreme way possibly.

And although the first few weeks are painful, they're amazing. The cluster feeding is HARD and you'll want to throw in the towel. But don't. Because those only last for so long. Then you hit this honeymoon phase, where it's all just clicking. This is usually right before you return to work. The crappy part is, when you return to work it goes back to hard. Not the breastfeeding part, the figuring out how to continue breastfeeding and working.  

 Our first, at home, milk coma 

So since going back to work is the norm, there's the pumping while being a full time mom.  It is the most aggravating, annoying, rewarding task I've ever endured. Spoiler alert, you may not pump the number of ounces you need while at work. In fact, you may need to get up in the middle of the night or earlier in the morning to add in a pump session (while you watch your baby who sleeps through the night on the monitor). Only then do you (barely) have enough ounces for the day. Like I said, sacrifice.  And while we're talking about pumping, don't always follow the recommendations.  Follow your gut.  I was only pumping 20-30 minutes when I first came back to work and that certainly wasn't cutting it.  I simply thought my pump just wasn't the same as my baby and I wasn't able to empty out with it.  Wrong.  Now I pump 40-45 minutes to feel empty. And you should feel empty after you finish pumping.  That's how you signal your body to produce more. Play with your pump, push the let down button more than once and adjust the settings.  Find the right balance for you.  Also remember to eat.  And eat a lot.  I experienced a major decline in my already risky supply during a week that I just didn't feel hungry.  Once I got my appetite back, everything returned to normal. 

My breastfeeding tips to share it would be these two favorites. Because I'm so well endowed and my daughter is such a peanut, I have to hold my breast while I'm nursing. All of that careful preparation for my "nursing station" was not necessary. I can't reach a single item. Do not fear, you learn to adapt. For here is my secret - those trusty receiving blankets? Ball one up and stick it under the boob so you have a free hand. Another fabulous secret? Netflix and/or your DVR.  During our entire maternity leave, I would go downstairs to our living room for the middle of the night, early morning nursing time.  I'd watch one of my recorded shows while nursing.  Then once Charlie was satisfied, I'd lay her down on the couch beside me so I could pump.  All in all, it would take me about an hour to an hour and a half for this process.  

Every time she nurses, she sleeps... 

Breastfeeding in public is intimidating and scary.  At least it was/is for me.  I hate it.  I cringe when it is necessary.  After a while I've learned to adapt and find the right balance for myself and Charlie.  A lot of times, I found myself in the backseat of my car to nurse while out and about. As much as you prep for a nursing station in your house, prep for a nursing station in your car.  Find out where to plug in your phone that you can still reach it.  Where to sit that you can see the clock but still be able to nestle yourself down in so you're not completely visible to the windows.  And if you're in the market for a new car, may I recommend leather seating?  Baby spit up of your own milk is no joke.  When public breastfeeding was the only option, I'd recommend the Aden and Anais swaddling blankets.  Aden and Anais blankets are wonderful for covering up while nursing.  They're light weight and are plenty big enough.  Tie a knot in one corner, place the knotted end under your bra strap opposite of the side you're going to nurse on.  Then sling the blanket behind your neck and over the shoulder of the side you'll be nursing on.  Big cover, breathable for baby. 

Even if breastfeeding is going well, there's always the critics.  Perhaps its the type of person I am, but I have a bit of guilt over the fact that I was able and still am breastfeeding.  Several of my friends, family members have formula fed their babies.  And while that doesn't bother me a bit, it's the comments they make that bother me more.  Whether they realize it or not, they make me feel guilty for being able to breastfeed.  Most I think are trying to justify for themselves why it didn't work or they chose not to, rather than realize that they're hurting my feelings.  Just keep in mind that not only are there individuals that push the breastfeeding, there's always some on the other side of the fence too with their own opinions and everybody will let you know how they feel about it. 

               

 ​

I didn't expect to enjoy breastfeeding.  But I have so much.  My daughter is still exclusively fed breast milk via bottle or nursing as of 5 months.  Currently we're continuing day by day and slowly introducing solids.  Although it gives me some anxiety trying to figure out when the right time for us to wean or if my supply will keep up, I enjoy it more than I can say.  Because this little girl is growing, thriving on what my body can give her.  How cool is that? 

Charlie 5 Months

I can't believe this little girl has been with us for only 5 months. It seems odd, but the life before her is slightly forgotten.  Mostly forgotten, I guess.  Every now and then I yearn to be able to run errands alone or sleep in beyond 5 am without leaky boobs, but I wouldn't trade what we have for the world.  

So at 5 months Charlie is changing so much and every day.  Below is her 5 month bullet points

- Rolling over! At 4 months 1 week, she rolled over back to stomach! For a few weeks she's gotten so far but couldn't get her arm out from under her.  But on October 12th she finally got the whole way.
- Loves to blow raspberries.  She's so impressed with herself when she realizes the noise is her own. 
- Started Zantac twice a day.  The probiotic daily just wasn't cutting it.  Major improvement with the spit up.  
- Definitely uses her thumb a lot more for self soothing. In month 4 it was mainly when she went to sleep for the night. But now it's when she's upset in the car seat, her jumper, etc
- Still sleeping through the night. There was a small two week period that she chose to wake up at 2 am and threw mommy's whole schedule off balance. The majority of the time though she seems to be able to put herself back to sleep. Slept one night on the belly after she had rolled over in her sleep. Usually she's a side or back sleeper like mom and dad.
- Reaching, grabbing and holding has improved.
- Hate your car seat. Except in the mornings with daddy. Otherwise you fuss and get mad.
- Still breastfeeding but we've started to introduce solids. Mainly because she stole a French fry from mamas plate, devouring it before I even realized what happened. So she's had one french fry, oatmeal with b-milk and applesauce mixed together, banana mum mum's, sweet potato puffs
- This month Charlie decided she didn't care much for the right side anymore.  Poor righty.  She will nurse on the right for 3-5 minutes at most and then get so distracted she wouldn't latch back on.  So I would switch her to the left and she'll nurse like a champ for 15-20 minutes

- Trying so hard to sit up. She does what mama likes to call baby Pilates. She'll hold her head up and legs up, working those ab muscles like crazy.
- Bath time is still her favorite. It's amazing the transformation bath time does to her mood. She especially love when we wash the hair and run the water over her head. Daddy is still the primarily bath giver.
- Speaking of daddy, my goodness the love these two have for each other.  She smiles so big any time he comes into the room. And he melts.
- This month she has definitely started to react to us more. When I pick her up at daycare or when daddy's comes home from work, her face lights up.
- Distracted nursing. I could do with out this. She pops on and off because she can't handle not seeing every single thing going on. And if daddy's in the room? Forget it, she's done with mama.  
- Wearing size 3 diapers.... There was several days of blow outs and mama finally declared it was time. I may or may not have cried a little bit.
- Wearing 3-6 months or 6 months clothing. It depends on the brand.
- At Charlie's 4 month appointment on Oct 23rd she was 24 1/2 inches long and 12 pounds 13 ounces.

I'm not sure how, but I made a GIF..... ha! It cracks me up.

Breastfeeding

* Originally written June 16th 2014.  I want to document my actual thoughts.  So if/when I have another child I don't think that my journey with Charlie was a breeze.  Breastfeeding is in some ways easier than formula, but in others its a struggle and a big sacrifice. 


Days like today make me want to stop breast feeding. Things were going really smoothly until this weekend. For the most part she was nursing every 2-3 hours and for 10-15 minutes per side. Then came a stretch of 20 minutes each side and nursing every 3-4 hours. That was actually quite glorious. She's always favored the right side but she never denied nursing from the left. But lately, these last few days she's fought. For one, she waits until I have her crooked in my arm, boob exposed ready to go to put serious effort into pooping. This requires a tense body, scrunched face and screaming fits. I usually try to start her with the left side, realizing it's her least favorite and hoping it'll encourage her to eat just a little from the left before denying it completely. But in the last few days she fights me with the left so ferociously.

Today though was a bad day. Today was a day that I seriously thought I was losing my mind. I can't do the stay at home mom gig. No way.  I need social interaction. Today I didn't have any social interaction with people. And I can tell it has affected my mood. Add to it Charlie has decided that she only wants to nurse for 10 minutes on the right side and then an hour later nurse again. I can't get a thing done. I'm so tired. I'm frustrated and I'm near tears. No, I'm not near tears I'm full fledged teary eyed just typing this. I need a break. How sad is that? Two weeks in and I want a break from my daughter. My gosh, I'll win awards won't I?

Charlie 4 Months

During month 4, Charlie was up to; 

- Sleeps 12 hours at night on the weekends.  Weeknights its 7 pm to 5:45ish am, when Daddy gets her up and ready to go to Aunt Sara's house. 
   Ms C is down by 7 almost every single night.  If she gets to bed later than that, she usually wakes up in the middle of the night.  She has her bath at 6:30, followed by a bedtime nursing session with mama and then off to sleep. I am constantly amazed at how wonderfully easy this baby is.  I don't need to rock her, I don't need to sing or pat her butt.  She drifts off on her own.  The only conflict is that this routine is more of a set in stone type of thing than a guideline.  Baby girl will let you know when it's time for bath and she will demand immediate action.  
- Wearing 3-6 months clothes size 2 diapers
- Got her first cold! Poor girl lost her "voice" so her coo's and cries were more like frog croaks. Doctor appointment confirmed a viral infection. Thankfully she was on the mend quite quickly.
- At the doctor appointment she was 23.5 height and 11lbs 9 ounces.  Her 4 month appointment isn't until Oct 23rd when she'll be almost 5 months.
- Perfected her pout face and do really well sticking that lower lip out! It's often put away too quickly for mama to snap a photo for evidence.  I'm sure I'll have plenty more opportunities in the future 
- Loves watching Mickey Mouse Clubhouse & Peppa the Pig
- First giggles occurred for Ma & Aunt Sara. Mama got to hear a few short giggles one evening but daddy is still anxiously awaiting.  
- Can roll side to side.  Haven't officially rolled from back to stomach yet or vice versa.  
- Through the night she usually turns an almost complete 180 degrees from where she was originally placed. And loses the covers almost immediately.  
- Exclusively fed breast milk.  She will take 4 bottles of 4 ounces during the day and nurses for me twice at night. 
- The pooping strike continued through month four.  She seemed to only be pooping once a week.  And when she did, it tended to be explosive and 2-3 diaper changes in a row.  There was never any hard tummy or crankiness on her part for it though.  
- Doesn't care for crowds.  Mama and Aunt Sara went to a large Consignment kids sale and I wore Charlie.  She did okay at first but as the crowd got bigger and the room got warmer, she was not having any of it.  Complete meltdown.  As soon as we were outside of the building, she settled almost immediately.  
- Just a little bit of cradle cap.  Solved pretty quickly with some baby oil and a little brushing of the scalp. 
- Grabbing at items more and more.  She has taken an interest in grabbing at my shirt or straps while nursing.  She likes to touch our faces and reach for anything she can get in her mouth.  
- Teething! The process is definitely started.  She gums whatever she can get into her mouth.  We've had a few nights of serious crying in pain incidents and she gets a little Tylenol to help. 
- Got her jumper from Toys R Us.  Although she is definitely interested in being able to stand up on her own and play with the items in front of her, the whole jumping concept isn't quite there yet.  She isn't tall enough to push her feet off the bottom yet.  
- For bottles, this month we discovered that Charlie does not like Dr Brown's bottles or the Tommee Tippee bottles.  Both that I bought specifically for her acid reflux troubles.  Also the more expensive brands, so mama is minorly thankful those are off the list of purchases.  She does prefer the Advent Air bottles.  Also marked for reflux.  She doesn't seem to choke and gag herself with these bottles like she did with the others.  And yes, my darling girl purposely gags herself.  She is definitely my kid.  Although she only gags when I give her a bottle, I'm sure because she knows I've got the goods in a better package. 

Month One through Month Four 

Working, pumping etc

I have started and stopped this post I can't tell you how many times.  Being a work mom isn't easy.  But the mass majority of the mothers out there know that already.  I knew that going into motherhood that it wouldn't be easy.  However, I knew that I wanted to keep working.  I'm sure if my husband and I pinched pennies hard enough, I could stay home to be with Charlie as she grows.  There's a part of me that would love to be there for those firsts she'll experience.  However, there's another part of me that realizes I'm not quite the SAHM type.  Perhaps if we lived in a more populated area there were more SAHM and mommy groups to join, it wouldn't be so bad.  That isn't the case though and there's no sense dwelling on what isn't.  

I love going to work.  I enjoy my job and the people I work with.  I have a good time while I'm at work.  The part that sucks about being a working mom is the time away from Charlie.  In the evenings, we get home with enough time to eat, bath and bed. There isn't a lot of play time, at least not for mama and baby.  Daddy does bath time since I get to feed her so I usually get the sleepy baby versus the giggles.  I savor the weekends though and enjoy the time she and I do have as much as possible. 

Along with being a working mom,  I am a breastfeeding mother as well.  So during my 8 hour work days I have to pump 3 times a day to keep my milk supply up and provide milk for my baby while she's in the care of others.  The first week I was back at work, I loathed pumping.  I hated my little closet I got stuck in for 20 minutes 3 times a day.  I hated my boobs leaking if I didn't make it to pump in time.  I hated getting into the middle of something and realizing I needed to go pump.  There are parts to be washed every day, bottles and other items to be packed and ready for the following day.  I admit there was fleeting thoughts of how easy it would be to switch to formula.  

But as the days wore on, I never quit.  I haven't quit and I don't plan to.  The whole pumping enough to keep up with Charlie's demand leaves me quite anxious most of the time.  I think about breast milk entirely too much if I'm being honest.  But so far, Charlie has been fed breast milk exclusively.  Although I toy with the idea of supplementing a little bit with formula I always talk myself out of it.  Right now, week to week I'm making enough to keep up and even though that includes pumping before work and before bed, it's still enough.  There may not be date nights or girls night all that much in the next 3 months but that's okay.  

two little girls

I have so many posts I want to get down but I find my mind jumbled lately.  Going back to work and parenting, keeping a house a home has definitely kept me moving.

But something that has been weighing heavy on my mind lately is baby number two.  I have no idea why my heart keeps thinking about the next when the first hasn't even made it to half a year yet.  Regardless of the logic, or lack there of, when I'm nursing Charlie or playing I'm already envisioning an older Charlie running around the yard with a little sister.   A little brother would be fine too but there's definitely a little girl in these day dreams I've been having.  I don't know that I would call it seeing into the future so to speak, but I have my own version of gut instinct.  I felt pretty certain that Charlie was a girl from the get go.  I also knew I wouldn't be pregnant past 38 weeks. I gave birth at 38 weeks and one day.  I had no science to back me up, no dreams of what was to come.  I simply just felt that was how it would go.

So when I sit here and can feel so strongly about baby number two being a girl, I have trouble talking myself out of it.  I have plans for the nursery already and a name I love.  I have to laugh because as I approached the subject with the husband I was anxious for his response.  For a long time Steve has only ever wanted one child.  I don't know his reasoning other than financial.  But today, when I asked him if he liked a particular little girl's name, he smiled all the way to his eyes and just said he didn't know.  Well I know my husband and I see that little girl in our lives a few years from now.   I look forward to my first born having a little sister.  I love the idea of these girls growing up together, helping each other, fighting with and for one another - oh yes,  I look forward to it all.

So until we meet, I'll keep her in my heart

Charlie 3 Months

At 3 months this little girl is really starting to find herself.  And by herself, I mean her hands especially that damn thumb.   -_- Mama is not amused.  Below are my iPhone notes that I've taken through out the past month of our lives with little Miss C and its crazy how much she's grown and changed. 

Excuse the grumpy faces.  She wasn't having it for her pictures that night. 

         

                        


So at 3 months Charlie is

• . . .cooing more and more.  She will 'talk" with you if you sit with her face to face.  She smiles a lot.  No giggles yet but I'm anxiously awaiting those.  Baby giggles are the best.  
• . . .getting better and better with head control.  If you're sitting still with her on your lap she maintains a straight posture pretty well.  When standing and moving, she's still a little weeble wobbly. 
• . . .growing! My goodness my little peanut is not little anymore. Too long to lay across my lap horizontal. She can now push off or kick at the arm of the rocking chair as we nurse.
• . . .still fed exclusively breast milk. Takes bottle or boob without too much fuss. She seems to prefer the boob. She will make herself gag and choke with a bottle when you first give it to her but eventually will eat from it. 
• . . .started transitioning to the crib. Not an easy battle. She loves to be snuggled in and the lounger gives her that feeling. So the wide open of the crib has been an adjustment. We started by taking morning nap time in the crib and have progressed to sleeping there at night. Sometimes she fusses and gives me troubles for about two hours but eventually she sleeps. Towards the end of month 3 C is sleeping in her crib full time, no troubles. 
• . . .sleeping 6 straight hours at night on occasion at the beginning of the month. Usually eats last between 8-10 and will sleep to 3-5. She will nap for me in the mornings from the last night wake up at 3-5 until about 9. Towards the end of my maternity leave she had started to only cat nap. Little 15-20 minute naps. So by the end of the day she would get tired and cranky, letting everyone know it.  However, at my sisters house and daycare she's taking an hour morning nap and then a big afternoon nap.  Towards the end of month three, she started sleeping 7-8 hours.  We introduced a night time routine this month.  Bath at 7:30, last nursing session and then bed.  So from 8-8:30 she'll sleep until 4 when mama comes in to wake her for that morning eat. 
• . . .rolling half way, both directions, although she favors rolling to her right.  We aren't quite to the point that she's doing a full flop over but she's definitely moving her body.  In fact towards the end of month 3 she has been scooching in her crib at night.  She starts out at one end of the crib and will scooch her hiney up to the top.  This child is constantly moving her body in whatever ways she can.  Its amazing to me because she wasn't much of a mover when I was pregnant or the first two months of life.  But now? She kicks and swings her arms and goes, goes, goes.  
• . . .seems to enjoy tummy time. She doesn't coo and aw about it but she doesn't scream either
• . . .this month what I eat doesn't seem to bother her tummy. The fussy, screaming fits have been very few and far between. Still using the probiotic daily.  
• . . .she's pretty systematic with nursing. It's every 2 hours during the day, for 10 minutes almost exactly on both sides. Night time she can go anywhere from 4 hours to 6 hours straight in between nursing sessions.  And as mentioned in the sleep section, the end of the month brought 7-8 hours in between the last nursing session of the night to the first one of the morning.  At the end of month three I returned to work.  She started out with my sister and now the time is split between Aunt Sara's house and day care.  She takes 3 bottles total while away from mama.  Usually 10-12 ounces. 
• . . .had her 2 month appointment during month 3. She was 23 inches long 10 lbs 13 oz
• . . .wearing 3 month clothing.  A few 0-3 month clothes fit but very, very few.   Size 2 in diapers.  Thankfully any diapers seem to work.  We can use Pampers, Huggies or Luvs. 
• . . . has found her hands.  Not in a way that she stares at them or really "found" them but that she sucks on her hands a lot.  Towards the end of the month she has found her thumb more and more, much to mama's disappointment.  I've been trying to replace the thumb with the binky as often as possible but it doesn't seem to be breaking the habit.  The hand sucking though occurs when she's drooling a lot and rubbing her gums with her knuckles.  We're pretty sure she's teething.  

Look how much she's grown!