Working, pumping etc

I have started and stopped this post I can't tell you how many times.  Being a work mom isn't easy.  But the mass majority of the mothers out there know that already.  I knew that going into motherhood that it wouldn't be easy.  However, I knew that I wanted to keep working.  I'm sure if my husband and I pinched pennies hard enough, I could stay home to be with Charlie as she grows.  There's a part of me that would love to be there for those firsts she'll experience.  However, there's another part of me that realizes I'm not quite the SAHM type.  Perhaps if we lived in a more populated area there were more SAHM and mommy groups to join, it wouldn't be so bad.  That isn't the case though and there's no sense dwelling on what isn't.  

I love going to work.  I enjoy my job and the people I work with.  I have a good time while I'm at work.  The part that sucks about being a working mom is the time away from Charlie.  In the evenings, we get home with enough time to eat, bath and bed. There isn't a lot of play time, at least not for mama and baby.  Daddy does bath time since I get to feed her so I usually get the sleepy baby versus the giggles.  I savor the weekends though and enjoy the time she and I do have as much as possible. 

Along with being a working mom,  I am a breastfeeding mother as well.  So during my 8 hour work days I have to pump 3 times a day to keep my milk supply up and provide milk for my baby while she's in the care of others.  The first week I was back at work, I loathed pumping.  I hated my little closet I got stuck in for 20 minutes 3 times a day.  I hated my boobs leaking if I didn't make it to pump in time.  I hated getting into the middle of something and realizing I needed to go pump.  There are parts to be washed every day, bottles and other items to be packed and ready for the following day.  I admit there was fleeting thoughts of how easy it would be to switch to formula.  

But as the days wore on, I never quit.  I haven't quit and I don't plan to.  The whole pumping enough to keep up with Charlie's demand leaves me quite anxious most of the time.  I think about breast milk entirely too much if I'm being honest.  But so far, Charlie has been fed breast milk exclusively.  Although I toy with the idea of supplementing a little bit with formula I always talk myself out of it.  Right now, week to week I'm making enough to keep up and even though that includes pumping before work and before bed, it's still enough.  There may not be date nights or girls night all that much in the next 3 months but that's okay.