Several pee sticks later

I need to write about this but I'm hesitant to put words to print.  I feel like a fraud.  And I'm still afraid this will all go away

Throughout the week last week, I experienced, what I thought was the signs of the impending AF.

Thursday night, I explained my symptoms to the husband and he tossed out the comment "maybe you're expanding."

I didn't think anything more of it.   Of course I'm not expanding.  Of course I'm not pregnant.  We've been at this for 9 months, and the one month I don't track, I don't temp, I don't feel myself up checking my cervix and other parts - we did not get pregnant.  Absolutely not.

Only we did.

Friday morning I took one of my cheap wondfo pregnancy tests that came with my OPKs.  (Amazon people, awesomeness) It was faint.  Incredibly faint.  So faint that I ignored it.  Took more with me to work and figured, I'll retest at work and it will be negative.  Done deal.  I got to work, researched the batch of wondfo's I have and discovered that some women had experienced several false negatives within the same batch I had.  Well duh, of course.  There's the answer then.

But that didn't sit well with me.  Never had I had cramps for a week before AF.  Maybe a day, but even then that was rare.  I normally would start to cramp the second the blood started flowing.

So all rational thought was out of my head by then.  I went to Target, bought legitimate pregnancy tests (First Response) Peed at work and it was instant two lines.  All I kept thinking was this was a sick joke.  I would be the one to get a faulty pregnancy test.

Proceeded through my day, but before I went home I stopped at a local drugstore.  One I was sure that nobody I knew would be around.  I wandered through and picked up a cute pack of Halloween cards with a puppy in a pumpkin.   Eventually making my way to the tampon/pregnancy test aisle.  I managed to put myself in the position to appear to be looking at tampons, while able to sneak sly looks at the HPT.   Lucky for me I positioned myself accordingly because along comes a woman who works with my Dad.  Major gossip type woman.  I quickly snap up a box of tampons and start reading the back.  She stopped to say hello and we talked for several minutes before she wandered away.   As soon as she was out of site, I snapped up the closest digital test I could grab and practically ran to the counter.

When I got home, I didn't even stop to give the husband a kiss on the cheek.  I went straight upstairs to pee on more sticks.  All three tests I had at my disposable told me I was pregnant.  I thought I'd cry when this happen.  I thought I'd be jumping for joy and all I feel is terror.