13 weeks

I should begin to take bump shots.  Just to keep a better track of how this is growing.  I didn't really notice any changes physically until a few days ago.  In the morning there isn't much there, but by evening (after stuffing my face all day) there is definitely an extra presence in the belly region.  

Changes with this week: 

Morning Sickness, all day sickness etc has definitely decreased. I was originally told to take 50 mg of B6 and half of a unisom morning and night.  Since I couldn't do the morning routine, I stuck to the night route only.  Just this week it dawned on me that morning and night would have me taking 100 mg of B6 total.  So I started taking 100 mg at night along with my half of a unisom.  I need to remember this trick with the next pregnancy because I'm pretty sure it is helping a ton along with the Zofran.  The mornings are the easiest right now until almost afternoon.  Along with that change, I've noticed that I'm taking less of my Zofran.  I try to space the half pills out as long as possible.  Some days I make it a while and some days are just bad and I need to be more diligent with every 4 hours or so.  

Food: I'm still avoiding meat.  It's just gross.  The smell especially.  The looks, feel and other factors don't seem to bug me.  But the smell and the thought of the taste turns my stomach.  However, I have noticed a definite change in my hunger.  I want food again.  I have subtle cravings.  Banana bread has been a favorite this week.  Stir fry! Oh my goodness, homemade stir fry with frozen veggies, white rice and low sodium soy sauce. Jack pot for this mama.  Oh! And chocolate.  Not a lot of chocolate and certainly not cravings but the idea of eating it doesn't turn me, so I've enjoyed a few peanut butter cookies with the Reese cups inside them.  French toast is also delicious and welcome in my world right now.  Pasta and pizza are still being ate, but I have tried very hard to find alternatives to eat.  For the first time in my 26 years, I can't fathom the thought of eating pizza or pasta every day of my life.  

Appearance: As mentioned the bump makes it's presence know towards the end of the day when I've had a full day of eating.  Also, the acne? It's subsided.  I haven't been using the Proactiv or anything special to make this happen.  I have been using Jergen's Natural Glow to help with my extreme paleness.  (For a person who has tanned everyday since I turned 16, this is a hard pill to swallow for me.  I'm adjusting.  Slowly) Perhaps I'm just not as observant of the acne? Whatever the cause, I'm just glad that stress has made its way out of my life.  I'm extremely self conscious and that was a big blip on my daily routine/life.  

Things other than pregnancy.... We got our Christmas tree this year.  A real tree! I'm ecstatic about that. It smells awesome.  Our house if officially decked for the holidays.  Our Christmas card picture will be Sunday.  So I'll have to rush order those and send them out ASAP. 

Recap of the past few weeks

Where I left off was telling immediate family.  I had always had strong feelings about waiting until you were out of the first trimester to share the news with others.  It just so happens that I suck at that.  I won't say that I went blabbing to every Frank and Tom around town, but at random times, I would blurb it out.  Several occasions that I could've kept my mouth shut and fibbed, I would have word vomit, the word pregnant falling from my lips.  I think secretly I was looking for the excitement that I got for everyone else when they announced their pregnancy.  And a time or two I did get some happy responses, but I fear that I always set myself up for disappointment.  I was the same way wedding dress shopping and our wedding day.  I expected this Hollywood movie scene and it's really nothing like that.

Anyways, the play by play

Weeks 5 1/2 to 11 were hell.  There is no sugar coating that.  I started with morning sickness that literally should be renamed all-the-fucking-time sickness.  I'd be throwing up or dry heaving from the time I woke up and until I went to bed.  Initially I tried several home remedies (honey nut cheerios dry, pretzels, crackers, ginger ale, etc)  The nurse suggested I tried half of a Unisom and 50 mg of B6 vitamin morning and night.  The combination did wonders for me through the night but didn't do much during the day.  I wore some sexy "sea bands" all day, every day with little results.  Luckily at my first OB appointment my sweet Midwife said the magically words prescription.  And I haven't looked back since. It's been blessed since around 11 weeks hit and the Zofran is fully in my system.

Food Aversions: Meat.  Any meat, all meat, cooked, raw etc.  I can occasionally trick myself with some Chinese food.  Clearly I need to start looking into some Vegetarian menus as much as that disappoints me.

What do I like? Honestly I can't say anything for sure.  I'm sick of the things I've been eating for the past two months.  I feel as though I don't like anything at all.  But I keep to the items that don't instantly make me want to vomit.  If I think about it and my stomach doesn't turn, I try to eat it.  If I don't actually get sick from said item, it goes on the safe list.  Possibly to be removed at a later date.  I've decided this child takes after his/her father.  Husband can't stand to eat the same things over and over again.  Where as I am a creature of habit and would eat the same thing for lunch every day, no problem.  Now a days?  My old method doesn't work so awesome.  I will fully admit that ham sandwiches with ranch Doritos are amazing and I know if other pregnant women saw this, they'd stone me to death.  But bite me.  It tastes good, it stays down and I don't gorge myself on them 3 days a day.  It's an occasional treat.

Acne is horrible.  I'm using Proactiv because it's listed as "safe" or rather there isn't enough research to say it's not safe.  I  have discovered there are some prescriptions that are safe during pregnancy so I'm debating calling my dermatologist for more information.  I've trying to convince myself that its not really that horrible and I'm just being vain.  Typically I'm tan all year round and acne fear thanks to birth control.  Now, I feel like I'm 16 all over again.

I sleep a solid 9 hours during the week and 12 on the weekends at night.  But I don't nap or feel exhausted a whole lot.  And really haven't through out the pregnancy so far.

The boobs were tender and just felt heavy up until 6 weeks I suppose.  Once the morning sickness kicked in, I think my mind didn't really register boob pain anymore.  So I can't say that it's been an issue.

Weird pregnancy symptoms that I didn't even know were pregnancy symptoms?  Metallic taste in the mouth? Ew.  Stuffy nose.  All-the-time.  More discharge?  Um, hi - pregnant here.  Shouldn't that stop? But no, no it increases in pregnancy.  Well, great.  Panty liners every damn day.

Thanks to the Zofran, I'm keeping my prenatal vitamins down at night again so my hair and nails are rocking pretty.

One down, several to tell...

Husband immediately wanted to go tell everyone.  Thankfully we tempered that down to immediate family.

We took the Halloween cards and wrote on the inside that we were expecting our own pumpkin in June 2014.

Husband called his mom to see where she was.  Unfortunately she was out with friends, so we stopped at my parents house first.

A little back story.  The day before my mom had texted me and asked if I was pregnant.  Random question, she had never done that before.  I scuffed it off and said, of course not.  I wouldn't be so lucky.  Apparently there was a post on someone's Facebook page that several people saw, congratulating a couple with the same names as us.  This couple had just gotten married the weekend prior, but everyone thought it was about husband and I and a pregnancy.  So by the end of Thursday, I had told several people that no we are not expecting and who the congratulations was actually for.  Insert I am a big fat liar.

Keeping that back story in the back of your mind.  When I handed my mom the card, she clearly knew what I was about to tell her.  She didn't really react.  So far, I was 0-2.  She gave me a hug and said congratulations and I tried to explain that I honestly didn't know yesterday, but she still was very distant.  It hurt.  A lot.

My sister squealed.  And that was fabulous.  She poked my tummy a time or two, just enough to piss me off.  But her reaction started to  make up for everyone else's crappy reactions.

Next up was his mom.  We actually went into the bar she was at and gave her the card.  She was instant tears.  I had to keep telling her to hold them in or everyone is going to want to know what's going on! But you could tell she was genuinely happy for us.  The only thing that freaked me out was when she went in for a hug, she grabbed my stomach.  I don't mean she patted it or placed her hand there, she grabbed and shook.  Awkwardddddd

Last was Steve's sister and she started the water works too.  She didn't even get a card.  I just shoved all the pee sticks in her face.  Looking back, that was probably a little tacky.  One that I carried them around and two that I happened to shove them in people's faces.  Awkward much?

So there's that

Remember those Halloween cards I bought?  I took one and wrote on the inside, "I was thinking about our Halloween costumes.  It's too soon this year, but next year I was thinking we could just go as "mom and dad"  I gave this card to Husband who was sitting on the couch, watching ESPN.

He read the card twice and had this stone face.  He didn't say a word and just looked at me.  I was smiling, cause I thought that this was what we were trying to achieve.  I showed him the pee sticks.  Still nothing.  I said, "Oh, well that went really well."  And walked away.  I sat on the dining room floor, trying to suppress the tears while playing with the dogs.  I must've sat there for a good 10 minutes before he finally came in the room and sat down at the table.  I don't remember his exact words, but I think it was something along the lines of "is this for real"

Instant rage.  Thanks kiddo for that - cause mommy has been super cranky.  I just looked at him.  I couldn't believe he would think I was lying about this.  Such a huge moment in our lives where I expected smiles and kisses and I got anger.  My husband is a sweet man.  And I love him.  But he has a definite talent for fucking up the best moments.

He later explained that he thought I had bought another dog.  Because of the puppy on the front.  Whatever his reason, he still sucks and it was still heartbreaking.  He has come around so much since that night, but it definitely wasn't the reaction I thought I would get.  I mean, he's not a big emotional type person,  but I at least thought I'd get a smile.

Several pee sticks later

I need to write about this but I'm hesitant to put words to print.  I feel like a fraud.  And I'm still afraid this will all go away

Throughout the week last week, I experienced, what I thought was the signs of the impending AF.

Thursday night, I explained my symptoms to the husband and he tossed out the comment "maybe you're expanding."

I didn't think anything more of it.   Of course I'm not expanding.  Of course I'm not pregnant.  We've been at this for 9 months, and the one month I don't track, I don't temp, I don't feel myself up checking my cervix and other parts - we did not get pregnant.  Absolutely not.

Only we did.

Friday morning I took one of my cheap wondfo pregnancy tests that came with my OPKs.  (Amazon people, awesomeness) It was faint.  Incredibly faint.  So faint that I ignored it.  Took more with me to work and figured, I'll retest at work and it will be negative.  Done deal.  I got to work, researched the batch of wondfo's I have and discovered that some women had experienced several false negatives within the same batch I had.  Well duh, of course.  There's the answer then.

But that didn't sit well with me.  Never had I had cramps for a week before AF.  Maybe a day, but even then that was rare.  I normally would start to cramp the second the blood started flowing.

So all rational thought was out of my head by then.  I went to Target, bought legitimate pregnancy tests (First Response) Peed at work and it was instant two lines.  All I kept thinking was this was a sick joke.  I would be the one to get a faulty pregnancy test.

Proceeded through my day, but before I went home I stopped at a local drugstore.  One I was sure that nobody I knew would be around.  I wandered through and picked up a cute pack of Halloween cards with a puppy in a pumpkin.   Eventually making my way to the tampon/pregnancy test aisle.  I managed to put myself in the position to appear to be looking at tampons, while able to sneak sly looks at the HPT.   Lucky for me I positioned myself accordingly because along comes a woman who works with my Dad.  Major gossip type woman.  I quickly snap up a box of tampons and start reading the back.  She stopped to say hello and we talked for several minutes before she wandered away.   As soon as she was out of site, I snapped up the closest digital test I could grab and practically ran to the counter.

When I got home, I didn't even stop to give the husband a kiss on the cheek.  I went straight upstairs to pee on more sticks.  All three tests I had at my disposable told me I was pregnant.  I thought I'd cry when this happen.  I thought I'd be jumping for joy and all I feel is terror.