Charlie 12 Months

Oh little girl, mama is so very, very behind on this update.  In fact in a few days, you'll be 13 months

Baby Notes 12 months
- Charlie has mastered the concept of using the fork or spoon to get food in her mouth. Her technique needs some adjusting (smirk)
- cranky this month. We are pretty sure you're teething but no teeth have popped through the gums yet. 
- transitioning to whole milk. On 5/18 we started with sippy cups instead of bottles and 2 ounces whole milk to 4 ounces formula. The sippy cup we are using is the Nuk 9+ months one. It still has the silicone nipple for you to adjust. Eventually we will move onto the hard tips completely.
- learning to mimick people. She likes to do what you do as far as gestures. She's learned to shake her head no, but I don't think she fully understands that one.
- restless sleeping. Between what seems to be sinus issues and teething you're up and down every night. And we have a heck of a time getting you to go to sleep at night. As soon as mommy stops rocking and places her in her crib she pops awake
- first ear infection this month
- 20 lbs 8 ounces

       

We celebrated your first birthday at a fantastic party this year.  We combined our "annual" Memorial Day picnic with your birthday as all the same people would be invited anyways. 

And on the night of your actual birthday, I rocked you to sleep just as I would any other night.  But it seemed so surreal to be in that moment with you. A whole year later.  To think back to that first night I held you as the sun went down.  I changed your first, very gross, tar like diaper by myself while your daddy slept.  How the hospital bed moved every 15 seconds and I got no sleep whatsoever because of a dang bed, not a newborn baby.  It's incredible that we're here, in this moment so soon.  

Expectations and Assumptions

I struggle between writing down my emotions now while they're still raw and fresh or waiting a few weeks and seeing if I let go of the anger I'm harboring.  Perhaps anger is too harsh of a word to use.  I'm a little bitter about my first Mother's Day.  Sad even, with the lack of recognition.  But I'm not surprised.

I am a romantic, mushy person at heart.  I love the silly, calendar holidays just as much as the next mama out there.  However, my husband is not cut from the same cloth.  Instead, he doesn't really see the point or why it's a big deal.  He's very relaxed about holidays and birthdays in general.  It's just not his thing.  It's taken me 5 long years to accept this fact.  I've grown to see that he won't change and I can't make him (nor have I tried to - who wants a gift that you forced your loved one to buy?) I set my expectations low for my first Mother's Day.  At least, I thought they were low enough so as not to get disappointed.  I was proven wrong.

A few weeks ago, I had told my husband that I wanted a card for Mother's Day.  I suppose I should've been more specific and said I wanted a pretty, millions of them printed, card from some big box store that I can save with the other few and far between cards I've received over the years.  I was not that specific and had simply stated I wanted a card.  This isn't a new request.  It's one I make for any birthday or anniversary actually.  It's also a request that 99% of the time gets ignored.   It was no different this year, on this holiday.

He did manage on the morning of, to scribble a cute poem on a scrap piece of paper and put it in a left over envelop from our daughter's birthday invites.  All sitting in the same vicinity or I doubt I would've gotten an envelop [smirk]

As mothers, I think many of us look forward to a day that is for us.  It's somewhat of a selfish thought or want but I don't think it's unjustified.  We work hard all year long, there are not vacation days or sick days.  Sometimes there are days or weeks that go by and you don't hear the word, 'thank you.'  It's not such a bad thing to expect a little showering of love on one day out of the year, right?  Thanks to the big box stores and the media, there's big expectations set for such a holiday.  One would think that every mom gets diamonds from Jarred or delivered flowers.  It really is a holiday that has gotten blown out of proportion.  My mother and mother in law were just thrilled to have us in their presence for a few hours.  They each got individual time with their grandchildren and their children.  Mother's Day should be about the mothers, but it shouldn't be about the biggest present to give or receive.

What's harder yet is the affect that social media has had on such calendar holidays.  Suddenly there a perfect pictures everywhere.  Mother's and their beautifully dressed children posing for the completely unrealistic picture.  It has to be Facebook worthy!  Suddenly mothers are comparing their day to someone else's and the disappointment grows.  But the pictures you see, the captions you read are never the full story.  That may be her 4th outfit for the day because the others had baby spit up.  Those flowers she got may be beautiful, but perhaps they're causing her allergies to go crazy.  Because even though she's told her significant other a bazillion times she's allergic, (s)he continues to buy them.  Her chocolate may have been stale or her food cold by the time she got to eat.

So I suppose the lesson to learn is to set your expectations lower than low and don't make assumptions! With low expectations, chances of disappointment are fewer.  And to assume only makes an "ass of you and me"

Charlie 11 Months

Oh sweet child of mine, I'm slacking this month.  It seems like the 11th month came and went so fast.  I realized Sunday night that Charlie would be turning 11 months the following day.  So I opened up my Notebook app to see what notes I had jotted down throughout the month and this is what I saw.

I can say without any doubt that Charlotte has been busy this month.  So busy in fact, that she didn't even give her dear, sweet mom a chance to put down some notes.  No, can't blame it on the baby? 

Speaking of baby, it seems in this month my baby went to a toddler quickly.  At the beginning of the month I can distinctly remember telling someone (or many) that I didn't feel like she was a toddler yet and she still felt like a baby to me.  Well not anymore! The baby is vanishing so quick, I feel like it's smoke that I see but can't grasp.  

- Charlie learned how to walk with assistance.  She can walk independently while pushing her blue elephant.  The first time she did this was for Steve and I on a Friday evening.  And like any good parent would do, similar to her crawling experience, we made her do it over and over while videoing. 

- OVER baby food.  No more, no sir. In the beginning her gag reflex was still pretty evident so we transitioned to the Gerber graduate foods.  Anything she can pick up and feed herself is a win in Charlie's book.  Depending on what we're having for lunch or dinner, we'll feed her what we're

having also.  She does not like the carrots that mama makes.  LOVES bread, all the bread, all the time.  She also is getting use to using a fork and spoon on occasion.  Sometimes its more of a throw toy but it's a work in progress.

- This months Charlie has also discovered the sharing nature she has.  As in, she loves to throw food on the floor to let the dogs get bites too.  She'll also casually drop her food covered arm and hand to the side of the high chair and the dogs will gladly clean her up. You have to be paying good attention to her to catch this act before it's too late.  

- Working on the sippy cup.  More so, mama is working on remember the sippy cup.  She'll use it like a champ and loves water, but 8 times out of 10, I forget to give it to her.  

- Still drinking four 6 oz bottles of formula a day.  Sometimes this will vary depending on the day and who's she's with, but generally that's what she has.  When she hits 11 1/2 months I'm going to start transitioning to whole milk I think.  

- This month was a blissful month of sleeping through the night.  One or two wake ups in the middle of the night that resulted in her coming to bed with us.  It's not a habit I want to start, but it was kind of nice to cuddle with my baby again.  

- We continued with swim class this month.  Although we missed a few, she's finally starting to splash in the water and smile a teeny, tiny bit! Progress! 

- Bath time got moved back by a half hour this month.  Now we go for bath at 7 pm.  We let her play and splash the whole bathroom for around 15 minutes.  It takes another 15-20 minutes to get her dry, diapered and clothed! From there it takes around 30 minutes for her to drink her bottle and finally fall asleep as we rock.  

- It's odd but nap time and bed time routine has changed again this month.  Charlie use to let me lay her down in her crib and she'd fall asleep on her own without too much fuss.  Now a days, I rock her to sleep for both nap and bedtime if I have any hopes of her going to sleep.  I feel like we're regressing but at the same time, in my gut it feels right.  She'll make the next transition on her own. 

- Still on Zantac twice a day

- Still experiencing some "stranger danger" tendencies.  She won't full out scream, but she pouts and curls into mom or dad tighter.  

- Experiencing some grass this month with the warm weather! Not a fan.  Ha! She will leave one foot down and hold the other leg, foot up. Like a dog that doesn't want to step in the cold snow.  It's fairly amusing to watch.   

- Wearing 9 months clothes.  Size 3 disposable diapers.  

- No height or weight to report as we haven't had any recent doctor's visits (thank goodness) But I'm pretty sure our little tiny baby is getting some chunk! 

- Speaking of size, she's probably at the 20 lb weight limit to turn her car seat forward but I figure we've come this far with rear facing, might as well make it to her birthday! She still hates the car seat in the evenings.  In the mornings she's fine for her daddy.  But he generally seems to be the only one.  She isn't a fan of the rear facing situation at all, but it is what it is.  

Goodness, this little baby is going to be a whole year old in one more month! It's so amazing to watch her learn and grow with each day.  Looking forward to what lies ahead!

Parenting & Control Issues

Hello, my name is Samantha and I have control issues.  I suppose a sub category could also be added to say I have trust issues as well.  But my trust issues are related to my control issues. Got that?

With that being said, parenting throws my anxious little control self into a frenzy more times then not.  There's always the normal situations, is she sleeping enough, eating enough etc.  And I work through those, read panic google every single detail.  But there's also situations that arise where another is in control of my daughter's life and I have yet to learn how to deal accordingly.

I openly admit that I like to be in control.  It's in my nature.  When I'm not in control, I'm anxious and strung out. However, I also think there are situations that aren't necessarily just my personal control issues but also my yearn to parent my own child.

As a working mother, I trust my baby to other adults for her day to day needs and care.  I have to release the control to these individuals so I can go to work 5 days a week.  I don't get to parent my child while I'm at work.  I'm not the one clapping and congratulating her when she graduates past yet another milestone.  I am not the one scolding her to stop pulling another child's hair or not to throw her food.  I can't help her through her nap aversions during the week because I'm not the one putting her down for a nap.  There's so many things working mothers miss out on.

So to compensate what I miss, I'm pretty territorial over the items I can control.  I get to pack what she eats for breakfast and lunch.  I get to choose the brand of sippy cup I want her to graduate to from the bottle.  I choose the brand of diapers she wears along with the adorable outfits I've spent precious money on.  I decide when she'll have her "firsts" with meal choices.  As a mother, I relish in what I can experience with my daughter.  I want to be around for everything, but it's unrealistic for me.

It's incredibly frustrating when others take away those moments for me.  And I have trouble finding the right balance between letting the individual know how I feel and relaxing enough to let it go.  How do you determine when is the right time to say something?  When do you stop and say enough is enough or choose to just let it all go?  And if you choose to let it go, how do you do it?  I am struggling with each month that passes and Charlie gets older.  It seems more and more things are out of my control and they're simple little things I should still be able to hold onto.

Charlie 10 Months

Our baby is 10 months old.  She's TWO months away from being a year! Good grief.  This month was so much better then the month previous.  

  

      

- Charlie started sleeping on her stomach with her butt in the air. She doesn't start out this way, but there's been more than one morning we've found her like this
- Also on the sleeping front, she's back to sleeping through the night 98% of the time.  We can deal with 2% of middle of the night wake ups.  Happy baby, happy (well rested) parents. 
- Her sounds are quite vast. She has her normal jibber jabber, and not she's added this low, scratchy voice. It's hilarious to us listening to all the noises she creates. Newest addition, one I'm pretty sure she picked up from cousin Cooper because it sounds exactly like him is her grunts.  She will grunt at you once, maybe twice to get your attention.  She's got the "dadadada" noise down and on occasion we've heard "mamama" but usually she likes the G sound and goes with a "gabagababa" type babble. 
- She loves to jump in your arms, but she seems to be over her jumper we have. The one at Ma's house has a lot more bounce so she can still be entertained in it. Our's has since been moved upstairs to the end of the hall.  I'm not ready to put it away entirely.  There's still occasions that we plop her in it to allow us to make the bed or put away laundry.  

- She started out the month by standing up with a little bit of assistance. If she can get a good grip, she can pull herself up from a sitting position. By the end of the month Charlie was able to pull herself to stand on whatever furniture she sees fit without assistance.  Cue mama heart attack.  This neat trick also earned her first black eye at daycare when she toppled down and hit her head on a toy.   It was also the reason her crib mattress was lowered this month. 
- At the beginning of the month she still wasn't crawling in the normal respect, she started this lunging action. She would get up on her knees and then lunge herself forward at a toy. It's pretty amusing. Mainly though she was rolling herself from place to place. On 3/15/15 Charlie crawled for the first time.  It was awesome because both Steve and I were home to witness it! We've tried countless tricks in the past to get her to try and go after things, but nothing ever worked.  My romance novel was laying on the floor and that's the item that finally peaked her interest enough to get her moving! Like good parents, we continued to toss it back and forth, having our daughter play "fetch" while we took videos.  
- She loves to dance. Whether it's Frank Sinatra playing or daddy singing something silly, Charlie loves to dance with us.  Even when music comes on from a movie or the radio, she scoots her butt and bounces to the music. 

- We had our first swim class! It's only a half hour class and I'd say she's the second youngest in the class.  She didn't scream, but there was basically no expression what so ever until the very end.  She kicked her feet a bit but still wasn't too sure about the whole experience.  It's a class that runs through the summer, so we're going to keep trying!

 

-    First Easter (out of the womb) She enjoyed some noodles, green beans and mashed potatoes.  Along with a ridiculous amount of pictures by mama and relatives.
- Wearing 6-9 months and 9 month clothing.  Size 3 disposable diapers. 
- Still on Zantac twice a day.  
-  She usually take 5-6 ounce bottles 4-5 times a day.  We're working our way up to 6 ounce bottles right now.  I worry about this a lot because I want to get Charlie transitioned to the sippy cup.  I have no idea how to involve that transition yet.  
-  Charlie is starting to get sick of baby food.  Especially when around the cousins or eating meals with mama and daddy.  So we're slowly working on big people food with her.   She has an awful gag reflex so although she has though 8 pretty teeth, it makes me nervous. 
- This month she's also become more of a "home body" so to speak.  Charlie will tolerate strangers but only if firmly held by mama or daddy  (usually mama).

Writing it all down, sometimes

I read several blogs a day.  Whether I sit and binge read my list or I catch up on one or two at a time, there's a long list that awaits me each day.  I love to read blogs.  I love to read in general, but there's something so uniquely awesome about reading others' thoughts and daily livings.  I find my own self, wandering towards expressing our lives for the world wide web to view and holding back, feeling faintly scared of all the unknown.  I give great credit to those who stick it all out there for everyone to see.  I especially love the ones that hold nothing back.  They express their feelings about family, marriage, kids etc and take the hits that come with it.  I wish I could "write it all down" and walk away feeling okay about it.  Instead I worry that I'll upset someone's feelings or maybe I'm putting too much out there.  It's a game of balance and I'm usually not winning.

I often wonder if my daughter will read blogs.  If blogs will even be a "thing" when she's older.  Will she scoff at her mama for putting her picture on the internet for anyone to steal? Or perhaps she'll carry on the tradition with her own children.

I love being able to document her life, our lives in one place.  I love to type and to let the words flow to the pages.  But I also love to hand write things.  I'm contemplating starting a hand written journal.  Perhaps along side the online blog or maybe in place of, once Charlie is a year old.  At that point the monthly updates will slow down and I could write day to day things.  Years from now, she'd have my words in my hand writing.  I like the idea of that.  I still have notes that my mom wrote me years ago.  I keep notes and poems that my husband has written for me.  There's something so personal about a handwritten letter or note.  It almost allows you to touch that person, so to speak.  In a way that if they wrote this note, then they were really here.  Those memories aren't just my imagination.  The down side to a hand written journal is the lack of pictures.  And pictures really help paint the picture.  So I continue to love my online place of memories.

Just a regular, wonderful weekend recap

I keep telling myself that I'm going to put more thought and words into this space.  To have more for Charlie to read as she gets older, a glimpse of what her mom was/is.  But then time gets away from me, life gets busy, and even on more than one occasion I get anxious.  I over think everything.  All of the details to what I want to post, what I could post, what I probably shouldn't post.  That seems silly to many but it's honest worry of mine.

So we'll just jump into some calm waters for the first (read, bazillionth) time out of the gate.  About two weeks ago, Steve and I scheduled to get our taxes done on a Thursday morning.  Since I scored some more vacation days with my 5  year anniversary at work I decided what the heck, I'll take that Thursday and Friday off work.  Best decision. Charlie still went to daycare on Thursday and to my mom's on Friday so essentially it was like being young, and childless again.  We went and got our taxes done and Steve spoiled me with an Olive Garden lunch trip.  Friday we made plans to drive into Pittsburgh to the Apple store to fix the battery on my iPhone.  I lucked out because my iPhone was one of so many sold in September 2012 that had a faulty battery so there was a battery replacement for free!

My birthday is coming and I joked to Steve that he could get me a Michael Korrs purse since there was a store in the mall.  His argument was that he'd rather buy me another LV then spend a hundred on a purse I'm going to get tired of anyways.  We won't be telling him a MK purse doesn't retail for $100 because really, when you get the chance for a Louie you say heck to the yes.  I debated though.  Mom brain came on.  And wouldn't shut up.  I could buy so many diapers with that money.  Or formula, Heaven knows formula costs an arm and a leg.  Fortunately for me, my husband took the decision out of my hands and drove to a whole other mall to take me to the Louis Vuitton store.  He told me that I deserved the purchase for all the sacrifices I'd made in the past year for Charlie and for him.  A woman can't argue with a man intent on spending several hundreds on a purse.  When we walked into the store the angels sang and the very well dressed salesmen helped me purchased my second Louie.  (For Christmas two years ago Steve was told to surprised me the Speedy 30)  This time I walked out of the store with the the Neverfull in medium.

We had the best time, talking and reconnecting again.  Odd topics came up, but ones that I want to remember.  We talked a lot about breastfeeding of all things.  Even now, being done with it, I still think about it.  I wonder if I'll breastfeed our next child or if I'll be more comfortable with formula.  Steve actually commented that he was glad I had chosen to breastfeed.  That he didn't know all the statistics and fine print but he knew it was the best choice for the baby.  (I don't think there really is a best choice per say) But he gave me a lot of credit for doing it and sticking it out as long as I had.  He also said that he'd be happy if I chose to do it again.   It was so nice to hear.  To hear that somebody gave me credit for what I'd chosen.  Especially my husband.  All this time I felt so much guilt because I thought that I had taken away something from him by choosing to breastfeed.

I know the rest of the weekend was family time. My little brother's 11th birthday, running errands with my Grandma Betty.  But I couldn't tell you many details.  I can tell you that it was the best long weekend I'd had in a while.  It was wonderful and I hope to never forget it.